Trashy Texas Talk- Sept 12, 2021 🔥Special Edition- The Royals🔥

All the junky news my unprofessional way...


👿Mick Jagger:  Princess Margaret  built a villa next to him on Mustique, where they indulged in well partying.  The queen was not happy about Margaret's wild behavior, fearing scandals.

Jagger called the queen "chief witch," and their relationship was bound to be bad. The queen didn’t participate at Jagger's controversial knight ceremony, due to her knee surgery. And apparently, she it preferred it that way, allegedly telling hospital staff, "I would much rather be here than at Buckingham Palace knighting at a certain party".

Lady Diana, was in a relationship with the Rolling Stone frontman as well, speculates the New Idea, so one could imagine how fed up the queen was with Jagger at that point.

👿Donald Trump: broke protocol- boring

👿Boris Johnson:  broke protocol- boring

👿Margaret Thatcher:  boring

👿Chinese Officials:  difficult to deal with - boring

👿 Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis:  they hated each other. both ladies being suspicious towards each other. The traditional queen didn’t appreciate the chic American with her theatrical style and command of the media. Problems started in 1961, when the Kennedys visited Buckingham Palace and allegedly made some harsh comments about the appearance of the palace and the queen herself. Jackie found the queen's attire modest, dumpy and not in line with the latest fashion, while, to her, the palace seemed outdated and worn-out feel. According to The Telegraph, Cecil Beaton, well known British photographer and designer, reported in his diaries that Jackie stated she was simply unimpressed.  Omg…had no idea that Jackie was a total bitch!  What did she fucking expect?  She was a Queen, not a socialite.  The palace was not a house to redecorate and contained centuries of antiquities, etc. 

But the conflict was starting before the two women even met, according to The Readers Digest. They disputed over the guest list at the protocol dinner. Jackie wanted to bring her sister, divorcee Princess Lee Radziwill, which the queen, who opposed any kind of separation between married couples didn’t want there. Radziwill did attend the dinner at the end, but as a "way of retaliation," the queen withheld invitations for Princess Margaret and Princess Marina, both of whom Jackie was dying to meet. 😂 Jackie said she felt uncomfortable through the dinner, thinking "the Queen resented me. Philip was nice, but nervous. One felt absolutely no relationship between them."   What an empty brain - Protocol is important as a politician’s wife. This isn’t your country or your style of life. The least you could do was respect it and not be so insensitive. You were the wife of a President, not a fricking leader.

👿 Camilla Parker Bowles:  The queen has had the opportunity to meet almost anyone who matters and it seems she saves the most poisonous darts for the people close to her.  Always being the one and only for Prince Charles, Bowles was not a good match for him, and the love affair had to be terminated. But their love survived, and in 2005, they finally got married. According to The Insider, the queen and Prince Phillip did not attend the ceremony, although they did visit the reception after it. To make the situation even more bitter, Prince Phillip died on the exact day of Bowles' and Charles' wedding anniversary, April 9.  Wow!  That’s something we never knew.

The fact that the duchess has remained in the royal family is a fair reason for the queen to be annoyed. Biographer Tom Bower claimed in his book on the royal family that the queen called her a wicked woman on one occasion and stating she didn't not want to do anything with her (via the Express). She did not even want to meet Bowles until 2000, The Insider reports.  Just had to put this pic in cuz it’s so awful.  I would die if I woke up and saw this in the mirror 🥴🥴🥴

👿Diana:  The complete opposite of Camilla Parker Bowles, Diana Spencer seemed like the perfect wife for the royal successor. But no one predicted how different she actually was from the rest of the royal family. Her emotional and sincere reactions puzzled the queen, and while she was trying to be supportive at first, there were just too many things she couldn’t possibly approve of.

Unlike other mothers in the British royal family, she wanted to spend as much time as she could with the children, which confused the queen. Andrew Morton, a royal biographer, observed the queen commenting at one point: "I don't understand why Diana has to do this. There are millions of housemaids around" (via British Heritage).

The first comment that the queen made after hearing about Diana's death, according to royal expert and author Ingrid Seward, was "someone must have greased the brakes" (via Cheat Sheet).

👿 Lying Meghan: uh duh. In addition to the interview with Oprah (with the queen none to pleased that the broadcast competed with her Commonwealth Day address), the latest faux-pas that Markle caused, according to the BBC, was naming their new baby Lilibeth. There are conflicting sources on whether the couple asked the queen permission about using her special nickname as a name for their daughter.  Didn’t know that the broadcast was the same day!  But Lying Meghan always likes to steal the thunder from the Royals. 💩

👿 Sarah Ferguson:  boring


🤥 The doomed marriage of prince Charles and Diana was presented as happy

🤥 They had to hide the fact that the abdicated King Edward loved Hitler👺❤️‍🔥👺

🤥 Elizabeth I, The Virgin Queen.  Who knows but she flirted a lot and it's highly likely that stories of Elizabeth's promiscuity were somewhat embellished by the era's patriarchal attitudes. Even so, historians seem to agree that she was very, very close with Robert Dudley, whose wife mysteriously fell down a staircase and died in 1560.🥴

🤥Princess Anne married Captain Mark Phillips were both fucking around and the palace was trying to hide it and as you can imagine, the marriage sucked and rumor-filled one.  In 1989, People reported an allegation that Anne was romantically involved with a younger Naval officer. Anne and Phillips separated the same year. 

Anne eventually married the Naval officer, Vice Admiral Timothy Laurence. But it was Phillips who was hiding the real stinker: A child born of an extramarital affair in New Zealand in 1985. Per the Express, he went to great lengths to keep this daughter hidden from the public and the Royal family, to the point of paying alimony of sorts under the guise of "consultant" payments, and allegedly even having his agent threaten the mother. 

🤥George III’s mental illness:  The guy was nutty as a bat and finally explained as porphyria, arsenic poisoning, or most likely bipolar disorder. The stories could get quite creative, like the one in which he supposedly mistook a tree for the King of Prussia and tried to shake its hand.

He was actually a pretty capable ruler for the majority of his six-decade stint on the throne. Even during his final years of ailing mental health, he was sorely missed by the government — because when he was at the top of his game, George was a cool-headed ruler who could act as a buffer to the era's politicians flaring tempers and make informed decisions.

🤥King Henry VIII’S illegitimate son: When he was 6-years-old, he introduced him to the court with great fanfare, and gave him a bunch of titles that made the boy the top noble of the kingdom. 

For a long time, everyone thought him to become the next monarch, illegitimate or not. However, Henry VIII never actually legitimized the kid, so he was basically just some kid the king really liked. Also, when a mystery illness took young Fitzroy's life at just 17-years-old, the king avoided even acknowledging the death in public. Fitzroy's burial was unceremonious and  "after being dead eight days, [Fitzroy] has been secretly carried in a wagon, covered with straw, without any company except two persons clothed in green, who followed at a distance, into Norfolk," Chapuys wrote. 

🤥 Prince Andrew and Jeffrey Epstein:  we know this one!

🤥George IV trued to ruin Queen Caroline’s reputation because he just didn’t like her anymore:  boring

🤥 Queen Victoria‘s perfect marriage:  boring

🤥Prince Charles made up a title for Camila:  When Charles at some point ascends to the throne as king, Camilla's official title will be "Queen consort," and in the event of her outliving him, it will be updated to "Queen Camilla, the dowager queen." However, on his own official website, Charles stated that her official title will be "Princess consort" — a title that's cuter, but also one that can't be used as the wife of a king in any circumstances. In fact, king or not, Charles simply doesn't have the power to alter Camilla's title in any way — she'll be "Queen consort".

🤥The Sussexes:  eh….we know this too

Weird Facts about the Royals

😶 QUEEN ELIZABETH I’s makeup probably killed her.  Her portraits suggest a youthful appearance, an ivory complexion, and red hair (per Smithsonian Magazine). But she didn't necessarily look as good in person as she did in the paintings. Artists who depicted her as older were executed! She had to look like a queen, and she felt at least part of her power came from her beauty.  When Elizabeth was but 29 and contracted smallpox, a disease that created fever and pustules. The blisters would break and, if the victim was lucky enough to survive, often left significant scar tissue. 

So Elizabeth tried to cover up the pockmarks left by her smallpox. One of the problems was that the heavy white makeup she used, was a combination of vinegar and white lead. The mixture was smeared on her face and across her cleavage and hands, often left in place for days at a time. The foundation itself was incredibly drying, damaging and discoloring the underlying skin. She continued its use for the rest of her life, adding other cosmetics as well.  According to the Royal Museums Greenwich, when she died, she had makeup an inch deep.  BTW - she had rotting teeth too. 

😶QUEEN MARY was a klepto.She would come to your house and stare at something and if you didn’t give it to her she would take it. But what if it was a family heirloom or something you just couldn't bear to part with? Then she would just have to take it without you noticing. When people realized what she was doing they had to hide anything they thought she might swipe before she came. She tricked them by showing up unannounced.

She would also go to the antique dealers and take whatever she wanted and then just forget to pay for it. Eventually her stealing got so bad that when her assistants found out, it was returned with a note that there had been a "misunderstanding."

😶EMPRESS ELIZABETH was a cross-dresser.  Elizabeth thought she had fabulous legs, but the style of the day, big hoop skirts for women, meant that she couldn't show them off. Men's clothes, though, had breeches and tights that really exhibited their form. Since she was in charge and didn't want to be the only one who looked different, she would throw huge balls were everyone had to cross-dress, or else.

The male style of clothing wasn't flattering on all women, especially the older ladies who were noted as having "short, fat legs." But it was the men who really had it bad. To go from the relatively form-fitting clothing they usually enjoyed to giant hoop skirts meant they had no idea how to maneuver their huge bulk while walking, let alone dancing. They were also expected to wear women's hairstyles, which amounted to huge wigs.

😶QUEEN NZINGA of present-day Angola had a lot on her mind. She was busy fighting the Portuguese for most of her rule, after her brother died and she took over. She kept the Portuguese at bay for 40 years. She pulled together a harem with the hottest guys. She made them dress up like women, but maybe it made sense since she was strutting around looking like a man.

However, she didn't have the time to walk into her harem and decide who she was going to sleep with every night. Nzinga would just have two studs fight to the death every night and then screw the winner. Then the next day, he would be executed. At 75 she finally decided she just couldn’t anymore and disbanded her harem. From Eve to Dawn, A History of Women in the World says that then she married one of her youngest "wives," making her a serious cougar. Btw:  here is her pic. There were several Queens of color so Lying Meghan can just shut-up already. 

😶QUEEN VICTORIA of the United Kingdom was obsessed with death:  When her husband died everybody had to wear a black for one year but she wore black forever after.  The  Queen liked what then was called the ‘horizontal tango’ - A lot. She was pretty much constantly pregnant while her husband was alive. During the birth of her seventh child she was given chloroform and loved it so much she requested it at the births of her next two children.  She also regularly took cocaine and opium and dabbled with Chloroform. 

😶CATHERINE the GREAT was probably one of the most famous women ever to be in charge of a country. She ruled Russia with an iron fist and did it well.  She's well-known for her crazy libido, but the most famous story about her is an urban legend. BTW: She wasn't killed by doing the nasty with a horse. In fact, she never got anywhere near a horse. But she did like screwing around a lot.

The empress had a friend named Countess Bruce "try out" anyone she was thinking of having a relationship with. Catherine was so busy so she didn’t want to waste time screwing someone bad. So Countess Bruce stepped in to be her official sex tester.

😶 MARIE ANTOINETTE is probably one of the most famous queens ever. She was married to Louis XVI and lived an opulent lifestyle, at least until they chopped off her head. Literally, there were dozens of people following her around handing her things whenever she asked. This apparently got unbearable and she looked for a way to escape. Unfortunately, the way she chose seemed like she was ridiculing actual normal French people. She had her own mini-palace built for her on the grounds of Versailles, but according to Château de Versailles, this wasn't enough. She also wanted a place where she could really get away, a place that was her idea of how poor people lived. So she built herself a fake village.

This included 11 different cottages, as well as a lake, a watermill, a working dairy, a windmill that doesn't mill anything, a barn and various other "peasant" type buildings. Marie Antoinette wasn't just half-assing this. She expected her guests to totally live the fantasy of being a poor farmer. Women were told to ditch their fancy outfits for something simple and common. She even brought her kids to learn about farming. She really wanted to bond with the poor but she lost her head anyway.  

😶 VALERIA MESSALINA 17 AD-40 AD. Empress of the Romans.  The empress was a hooker long after she didn't need to be and she owned a house of ill repute. Roman Emperors says she even made upper-class ladies participate in the nightly sex parties and of course she was great in bed. Duh. It was said that she set goals for her ladies with conquests. She often won contests about who could bed the most men in a night, sometimes racking up 25 guys. Supposedly it’s about how she used her sexuality to control her husband, the emperor Claudius.

😶 JOANNA 'THE MAD' OF CASTILE (1479-1555) Joanna (who may not have actually been as mad as her name suggests) had the misfortune of marrying a hot guy known as "Philip the Handsome," who knew how to keep his wife sweet, even if he was a jerk about it. According to Mad Monarchs, if he got into an argument with his volatile wife, he would leave her alone in her bedroom for days and she would just wander around her room banging on the walls.  Btw: She hardly had sex with him. 

He messed around a lot so when he died, she wanted him to herself and delayed letting her husband be buried.  She had his coffin opened so she could kiss his feet and make sure his body hadn't been stolen and ordered that women had to be kept away from him, because he was too hot and didn’t want any other woman to see him

😶 MARIA ELEONORA (1599-1655): The queen knew it was her job to give birth to a son. When she finally gave birth to a healthy, slightly weird-looking, baby girl, no one told her for a couple days to keep her from the inevitable shock. When she did find out.  "Instead of a son, I am given a daughter, dark and ugly, with a great nose and black eyes. Take her from me, I will not have such a monster!"

But Maria was really not happy having a girl, and ‘accudents’ kept happening to the baby. A wooden beam once "mysteriously" fell on the cradle. Another time she "accidentally" fell down the stairs. Then there was the time a nurse dropped her straight onto a stone floor, injuring her shoulder. Even the father didn’t give the poor baby a break and raised her as a boy. After her husband died, Maria spent the rest of her life worrying about becoming poor, while her daughter reigned.